my life is so happy right now. i’m giddy.

and as much as i don’t want to admit it - it’s because of a guy. and it’s because i never got this sort of attention before. he bought me dinner, even though i tried to pay - that felt good. and he opens doors for me. and he shows me things that mean something to him and then they mean something to me to. it’s a wonderful feeling.

and of course, it’s all so wonderful mostly cause i’ve never had it before. it’s new and fresh and to have someone so invested in me, that’s a new feeling. but to have someone that when he talks, i’m genuinely interested in what he says. and i want to hear about his day. and i just even want to see his face. his smile makes me smile. and all this actually makes me sick. cause i used to hate people that talked like this but i understand now.

guh. and we’ve only had two dates but we are such the same person. and he’s ready to settle down - which i am too, because i despise boys my age. he’s 29 and i’m 20 but it’s so jdshkgdfsg that i can’t handle it. we had the 20 questions date last night and we just talked for hours. i met his grandmother. we shared ice cream. it was just so nice.

and he is coming over to watch a movie tomorrow night. and i am going to ask the hard questions and have the meaningful talks. and i’m going to see if he’s interested in me as more than puppy love and/or a person to hang around with. and even if he doesn’t want to continue it, i honestly think that would be fine with me. he would be just as nice a friend to have around and just hang out with. he’s the sweetest guy i’ve ever met. guh. i just needed to write this out because otherwise i was going to explode inside my skin.

no one read this far. they started to vomit in their mouths. but this is for me, so that’s okay.